The Desires of my Heart

I have a lot on my mind lately. Not really going into it on here but we have a lot of changes going on in our lives. Some for the better and some that feel like we are being refined in the fire. Right now I am struggling with a couple of decisions that have to be made. I have always worried (not a good thing) when I have decisions that are going to be life altering. My biggest fear is that my wishes and desires will so blind me that I will not be able to see what God wants for our lives. I have had two instances in the last few months that helped me with this.

The first one was right after I lost my job. I had just had B and had not yet been fully looking for a job. I was getting prayer during our Discipleship Community. The lady praying over me knew I was struggling with having to put our son in daycare and worrying about others raising him. She said to me, Armanda God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. I think you already know what you are supposed to do. Basically she was affirming what I already felt in my heart. I was supposed to stay home and nurture my son.

The second time God affirmed that He wants to give us the desires of our hearts was when we were talking to our DC Pastor about some major life decisions we were trying to figure out. I told him that I often worry that my wants are going to get in the way of God's. He told us then that when a Christian is trying to live out there life for God and seeking Him out that our wants tend to be God's wants for us. In other words if we are seeking God out wholeheartedly and pursuing Him then His desires for our lives become our desire.

Now while this elates me that my desires and His are parallel it doesn't mean that it is going to be easy. There are going to be sacrifices made and it will be a journey but in the long run it will such a deep and fulfilling journey. I am not just talking about being a stay at home mom mind you. Like I said before I am not ready to share everything God is working out. Let's just say I am being refined. No one said being the daughter of a King would be easy. Quite the opposite but it goes so much deeper than that. I am not living this life for the temporary. I am living it for the eternal. I have God's desires in my heart. I desire Him and He desires me.

I am sorry this didn't come out as eloquently as it would for some but these are the words as they pour from my heart. Then again I guess I am really not all that apologetic when it comes to my heart. After all it's God's heart. :) Good night for now.