My Angel Baby

I thought of you today. This is good my sweet baby. I miss you even though I don't think of you nearly as often as I used to. Jesus has healed that broken place in my heart. Though there is always still a spot for you there, it just isn't a broken spot. I know you are in Jesus' arms now and that is a much better place than here. It took me awhile to reconcile myself to that in my heart. I still wish I had gotten the chance to meet you.

You would be nine months old in four days. It's bittersweet my darling because if I had you I would not have your little brother and I love him dearly! That doesn't keep me from wishing I could have held you in my arms and counted your sweet little fingers and toes. Your daddy told me one night, shortly after you went to be with Jesus, that I got to hold you closer than anyone else, in my tummy. Your daddy was such a great comfort to me when we lost you. He hurt as much as I did but still was able to comfort me so much. Only God knows why you left us so early. I struggled with this and wanted to ask,"Why God?" I mourned you with much grief but finally was able to praise God in the midst of that same grief. Because most of the reasons you are with Jesus I will never be able to fathom but you did give your daddy and I great hope. You know that is what we call you, Hope. We don't know if you were going to be a boy or girl because you were only in me for a few short weeks. But oh the Hope you gave us! Even though we couldn't have you Jesus used you for a greater purpose. He let Momma and Daddy know that we could have sweet babies even though we thought it was going to be difficult for us. My darling we will see you one day soon, Your Daddy, little brother (any other future siblings) and I. Until then we will think about you in Jesus' arms. He is caring for you more tenderly than I ever could and for that I am thankful.

I will always miss and love you,
Momma