The Rain and a child.

Today I sat on the front porch with B and watched it rain. It was a nice warm rain. Nothing very special about it. That is until I looked at it through his little eyes. He was sitting there so very quiet and still. And if you know my son he is generally not either of those two! He was so mesmerized. Watching it hit the ground and the water pour off of the roof. He was in awe watching something he had never really seen before.

It got me thinking about being a child and the simple joys in life. Watching the rain fall or running through the pouring rain. I imagined him, when he gets older, laughing and playing in the rain. How different children and adults are! I mean he stops and watches in awe of something so ordinary as rain while I would have looked at it and whined that it was raining again. Soon he will want to run in the rain, laughing and playing. While I get bent out of shape if I have to run from the store to the car in the rain!

Isn't this true of most things in life and God's creations? We simply take for granted and even complain about some of them. Shouldn't we instead stand in awe of the simple joys? Sometimes it takes a child to make us stop and rethink our attitude towards these things. How refreshing are children with their simple joys, complete awe and faith!

I challenge you next time you are complaining about the rain or something similar to stop and look at it as a child would. Stop and enjoy it. Look for something good in it!

My Angel Baby

I thought of you today. This is good my sweet baby. I miss you even though I don't think of you nearly as often as I used to. Jesus has healed that broken place in my heart. Though there is always still a spot for you there, it just isn't a broken spot. I know you are in Jesus' arms now and that is a much better place than here. It took me awhile to reconcile myself to that in my heart. I still wish I had gotten the chance to meet you.

You would be nine months old in four days. It's bittersweet my darling because if I had you I would not have your little brother and I love him dearly! That doesn't keep me from wishing I could have held you in my arms and counted your sweet little fingers and toes. Your daddy told me one night, shortly after you went to be with Jesus, that I got to hold you closer than anyone else, in my tummy. Your daddy was such a great comfort to me when we lost you. He hurt as much as I did but still was able to comfort me so much. Only God knows why you left us so early. I struggled with this and wanted to ask,"Why God?" I mourned you with much grief but finally was able to praise God in the midst of that same grief. Because most of the reasons you are with Jesus I will never be able to fathom but you did give your daddy and I great hope. You know that is what we call you, Hope. We don't know if you were going to be a boy or girl because you were only in me for a few short weeks. But oh the Hope you gave us! Even though we couldn't have you Jesus used you for a greater purpose. He let Momma and Daddy know that we could have sweet babies even though we thought it was going to be difficult for us. My darling we will see you one day soon, Your Daddy, little brother (any other future siblings) and I. Until then we will think about you in Jesus' arms. He is caring for you more tenderly than I ever could and for that I am thankful.

I will always miss and love you,
Momma

Mother's Day

This is such a special time for me this year. My first Mother's Day with B in my arms. I semi celebrated last year when I was pregnant but this year was definitely different. I truly know what it is to be a mother now or rather I am learning haha!

I appreciate my mother so much more now. My mom was a SAHM also. I don't believe I ever fully appreciated the challenges faced by a SAHM until now so thank you Mom! Thank you for all of your sacrifices and unending patience. Thank you for being there for me, guiding me and showing me how to be a mom. I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful godly mother to mentor me on how to be a good christian woman and mother.

This Mother's Day also had a sense of anticipation in it because while she is only 8 1/2 weeks pregnant I am joyful that my sister is going to be a momma! What a blessing and answer to much prayer! I can't wait to see her blossom as a mother.

I am so thankful that God blessed me by allowing me to become a mother. I am thankful that He healed my body and made this day possible!

Note to B (and my little angel baby in heaven): Momma loves you soooo very much! Being a mother to you is one of the best rewards in my life apart from being a wife to your daddy. I may not always be a perfect mother but I will do my best to be the best mother I can be for you. I love you always and forever!

So horrifying it's funny!

OK, so short little blog here. Just because I had yet another "fun" experience in parenthood! You know everyone tells you about the diapers, you know the ones that go up baby's back and require a hosing down. B had his first one of these about two months ago. Fortunately Steve made it home from work just in time to help me deal with it. We hosed him down in the bathroom sink, no harm done. I could count, until tonight, on one hand the number of times it has happened since both alone and with Steve here. During the whole time we had been learning solid foods and it was getting, at the risk of grossing you out, thicker.

Well, tonight topped them all. B had gone about 3 days with out going number 2. At this point he is eating three small meals a day in addition to nursing. So I knew there was a lot in there that needed to come out. I was actually dreading it. This afternoon I saw him straining and thought here it is, cringing as I took him to the changing table. But no it was just a minuscule amount. Later tonight we gave him a bath and were getting him ready for bed, Steve was rocking him to sleep when he went again. A little worse this time but still not bad. Steve put him in the exersaucer after that. I went to get him out to nurse and I smelled it. Steve laughs and says "you are on your own with this one" (because that is what I told him earlier ha). Then I put my hand on B's back and I felt it. And by it I mean everything that could have possibly been inside that tiny little body. I told Steve he had no choice but to help me because I was going to need it.

Upon opening his onesie Steve immediately says, "cut it off!" I was adamant we weren't doing this because I had just bought it! So he said we were taking B to the shower. We lift his onesie and commence to spraying it and his little self off. Then we remove the diaper! Seriously, this child should not have had that much in him,wow, no wonder he has been cranky the past couple of days. I just thought he was teething. Then, the real dun starts, B sees it in the bottom of the tub floating towards the drain. Oh My! Steve is laughing, I am yelling no B don't stomp your poop and B is happily stomping away. Needless to say our son got another bath. While it was not amusing at the time and I was mostly dismayed, I must say I will most likely laugh about this in the morning! Oh the joys of parenthood! I wouldn't trade them for anything! Sorry this short blog turned long.

Here's to starting.

Well, here is to my start into the world of blogging. Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I don't so we will see how well it goes. I am going to use this more for myself than for anyone else. I will blog about life mostly. Or rather my life and what is in it. Namely, God, my husband, my son, my family and friends.

To many (more than likely most) you may not find my words interesting and I am okay with that. There may be grammatical and spelling errors due to late night blogging after B is in bed. Thank goodness for spell check.

This is going to be another outlet and form of expression for me. I have reached a point in my life where I see myself becoming more. By that I mean I believe that as I grow older I am coming more into my own, more what God wants me to be and more in the lives of the people that surround me. More is different for me. Not that I was less before but rather that I am finding new facets to myself that I didn't know were there before or am doing things I never dreamed I would do. Still confused? Here is an example:

Five years ago I never dreamed I would be a stay at home mom (SAHM). I was a very career driven young woman. I had career goals ahead and of course marriage and children in my future! But stay at home mom.....I think NOT?! Not until I was pregnant and then I had my son seven months ago could I even fathom such a thing. Then I began to desire it and grieve the fact I wouldn't be able to do it. Then God entered and dare I say blessed me with the loss of my job. Now I can't imagine it any other way. I am so much more than a SAHM.

See there is that word again more. I am more because I am able to be a better helpmate to my husband, better nurture my son, better serve my Lord. If I still had my career in the same way before I wouldn't have the time for all of that, sadly.

So I am entering a new season in my life. An exciting season. So exciting ( I hope) that I want to cherish and treasure it by blogging it so my children may read about it later. For now though, no anecdotes or deep thoughts, it's just to bed with me.